


Never give up

by arkflikka



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 13:28:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkflikka/pseuds/arkflikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started as an occasional stomach ache and escalated quickly, becoming more than they could handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never give up

It had started as an occasional stomach ache, nothing serious.  
Then came the nights when cramps seized through my abdomen, making it feel as it was full of burning coal. Those nights were spent with my face pressed into the pillow to muffle the agonized sobs that slipped out between my sealed lips, a feeble attempt not to wake the other boy. I always ended up waking him up anyway. The third time it happened he called the ambulance and we spent two days, seventeen hours and twentynine minutes doing onehundred-fourteen tests and meeting twenty-eight different doctors. It was the ninth of May when we heard the words. Six letters that changed our lifes, forever.   
Cancer.

After the harsh words were our new reality and we didn't think it could get any worse, life made us fall into an even deeper hole. Three tumors, the size of my fist had my whole abdomen in its big, black web.   
Chemo, weeks after weeks being so sick it hurt to just breathe. Forty pounds lighter and with a bandana tightly wrapped around my nowadays bald head it was time to get the rest of the infected cells out.   
Three months later everything looked brighter, everything was slowly returning to normal, until the vomiting began, the difficultes to swallow, the loss of appetite. Life had put up another string up for us to trip on and get our feet entangled in.   
This time around the words were like a punch in the gut. It felt as if they had ripped my insides out and replaced them with barbed wire. 

Stage of Cancer: Four.  
Treatment: Palliative Care.  
I was dying, wasting away and all the doctors could to was to postpone the inevitable.   
And they succeeded, for five and half months. The weight kept falling of me. He could now get his fingers around my upper arm. The cramps only got worse. The last month I spent every night crying into his neck, as I tried to claw the out pain with my bony fingers. My kidneys shut down, my skin getting a more yellowy tone. The bags under my eyes grew bigger and darker for each day that past.   
It was the last of January. We were lying in bed, me in his arms. 

”I love you.” He whispered.   
”I love you.” I whispered back, my voice breaking on the last word.   
He stroked his long lanky fingers over my ribs, counting them, mumbling numbers against the column of my neck. Goosebumps made their appearance all over my unclothed torso and when he touched the scar my whole body shivered. I thought of the scar as ugly, that it made me revolting, unloveable. He looked at as a victory, even if we hadn’t won over the beast, we had for a while. Now it was on it’s way to winning over us. It had already eaten away my body. I knew, we both knew that we were down to out last days togheter. 

A sob tore it self from my throat.   
”I don’t want to die.” I wailed.  
”I know, baby. I know.” He soothed, his voice strained from holding back his own tears.  
I knew he wanted to be strong for me. He had been, he had been my rock through all of this, and I had told him, again and again. I took his hand in mine and held it. We laid like that for hours, tears silenly streaming down our cheeks, sharing what might be our last night. 

"Don't give up Lou." He whispered and stroked over my sunken cheeks.  
"I might not have a choice Haz."

I whispered back and closed my eyes for what turned out to be my last time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.   
> Continue?


End file.
